Have You Ever Danced with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight?

I have been writing something recently. I don't quite know what it is. It takes place in a city engulfed in fog. The main character is an ex-fisherman wandering around in a hazy unclear world, unsure of his own motives as well as others. I'm not sure where I should send him next: To the mine or to the factory? The saying "Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?" feels like a good way to describe this story.

On to other matters, I posted something on a political forum. These people are smarter than me, I'm not sure I'll be able to respond. I need time to regroup. I hate not having anything to contribute, yet whenever I open my mouth I sound stupid to all. I question my right to even bother thinking in these instances. Only good opinions are worth expressing. The problem is that everyone needs an opinion and yet nobody is an expert. 

Is it bad that I judge my worth as a person according to wether or not I can make a valid point about anything?

Religiously I am now a Hellenic Pagan. I might talk about that here sometime. Heidegger paper on formal indication is going rough.

God

I don't get much out of being an agnostic. But I don't really know what exactly it was I was supposed to get out. It's simple really. Big Bang happened that was how the universe we know started. But how did the single point even get there is the first place. Two possible answers. Someone or something (aka God) made it or it was always there. If you are a hardcore empiricist you might try to privilege the latter. But since we are dealing with something clearly unknown mere see-ableness doesn't equal truth. Hence agnosticism. ID's arguments have holes in them. ID says: It's so complex so it could not have arrived by chance. I don't think you can say that about the universe itself, the laws that govern the universe can take care of everything really. But if the laws of physics were any bit different we would not exist. So ID works for the laws? Well we don't know what causes the laws. But that would create infinite regress. Causer of laws- What caused it?It would be more complex and unexplainable as the laws themselves. Instead of "Are we not lucky we have laws" It would be "Are we not lucky to have God?". Also the god of the gaps problem. Yet something lurks under all this. What we are really actually asking is why something rather than nothing? The good old question of being us phenomenologists have been asking the whole time. But it turns into the question of Dasien's being in the world as a discloser. And we get away from the god problem, which is a problem which I have thought more about of late. Maybe it is an old irrational attachment to the concept. I don't like the modern concept of faith. It's not even biblical. I'll rant about that some other time. But I don't like believing in something just because it feels good. Its a fools paradise. Even worse: Its uncritical of itself. It's simple and I wonder if one could really get anything out of it. And yet... I am attracted to the spiritual and I don't even believe in the soul. Lately I've been investigating Kemetism. It is the revival of ancient Egyptian beliefs. I am attracted to the goddess Isis. I don't know if its actual "I want to worship Isis" or "I like the idea of worshiping Isis". I also like the Kemetic idea of Ma'at (principle of order) and the one god Netjer (who is all of the gods in one, Isis is just a name or a part who I can relate to). Even if I got over my religion issues I wouldn't actually be Kemetic which would involve making a shrine, making offerings which I think the gods don't really need. Isn't my devotion, thanks, and love all you need Netjer? My thoughts are better than a thousand offerings as those are what I prize. Not sure if this will go anywhere. 

Small update on my politics: Socialism or Communism or Anarchism, I'm leaning toward Communism right now. But the next day i might decide that the state should be the first thing to go. Or I might decide that looking too far ahead is silly.

EDIT: maybe God can do phenomenology better than us lol

The good noises

There are certain noises that always make me clam. These noises come from certain machines. Space heats, fans, air conditioners, rain on the roof, and airplane noise (though not when its too loud). In that order too. Heaters are best for me. I think these are white noises but I'm not sure because the only white noise samples online I've found are of static. I dislike static. Too scratchy. But these noises are always comforting. I like to sleep with a fan on. I do my best thinking when these noises are in the background (late at night too for some reason). It started when I was a kid and my parents got a space heater. In the early cold morning I would go to it and eat breakfast beside it. These noises always seem best when its dark outside (and dimly lit inside). My mind would be filled with the noise. I could think with the noise. Even when I don't actively think I gain a certain kind of focus when I causally listen to it. When I feel down it doesn't comfort me though, it just lets me think through the sad thoughts more. I think it masks the outside world and allows me to be alone with my thoughts. Just me, my thoughts, the dark room, and the noise.